Thursday 18 December 2014

First and probably worst post.

So, I hate my fucking job, who doesn't right?
I figured this was case with most people, they wake up they hate Mondays, they work for the man, just to get paid, just to pay bills. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Like a really shit real life Garfield.
No one likes to work, else they wouldn't be paying you and if you don't like your job then fuck you. You need to man the fuck up and just get on with it. This is pretty much what I figured was the norm for so long. It is also this which has made me so sick of everything and, I'm not fully sure but pretty positive, borderline depressed.

I suppose it begins with school, I never really enjoyed that, which became college. Didn't enjoy that, as much as I didn't enjoy the part time job came with it.
I quit college and the job which left me with no option but to go onto the dole, happy times. After a year or so of living off of the taxpayer and doing nothing of any significance with my life I decided to try for a another job. I applied to be a waiter and by some unfathomable clusterfuck I ended up in the kitchen, and have been stuck in various but very similar kitchens since.

Now I know reading this it's easy to think "this lazy fucker just doesn't like work" or "fucked around in school, his own fault" and those a both ,well, correct and hard to swallow. I did fuck around in school, and college, so yes my current predicament is done unto myself and I do hate work but it's important that I explain that last part to you. I don't hate getting my hands dirty or pulling my weight or even working as part of a team to achieve a goal which may not necessary benefit myself. What I hate about "work", the bullshit purgatory realm of chicken shit dead end jobs, is just that. Dead end.
You can work fifty to sixty hour weeks, minimal sleep, aches and pains and what have you given to the world? What have you got to show for it? Fuck all. I don't want to feel like shit, look like shit and be spoken to like shit just so I can pay my fucking phone bill. That is the most backward fucking logic.

I'd like to touch on the whole spoken to like shit front too. These chicken shit jobs come pre packaged with their chicken shit higher uppers. Your douchefuck managers, the stupid as shit team leaders and a majority of the cesspool coworkers (I say majority because I have had the pleasure of meeting and still being friends with some genuinely fantastic people). Who, because of them too being stuck in shitty fucking jobs feel it totally acceptable to treat other human beings as shit, each one showing a different level of dead end regret. Cut them open and count the rings, "Oh this guy's a ten year deputy manager, by the look of it this it started as a part time job but eventually having gave up on all of his hopes and dreams of becoming a soft rock mogul he became the cocknose he is today".
And all of this, for nothing to show? Pffft, fuck that.

I'm almost thirty and would like to think of work as something I enjoy, something I look forward to and most importantly something I can full heartily feel like I've made a change, however small it may be. I never enjoyed school or all that jazz because it didn't do it for me then, college never pushed my buttons. Does this mean I'm just another dickhead slacker? No fucking way, I can bust a nut as well as the next guy and I'm fully ready to show that. Yeah maybe I accepted the shitty jobs during my twenties but you know what, you don't need that much money for beer. I'm older now, got some of that life experience behind me and instead of telling myself that I don't really fit in anywhere and I should just stick to working the dead ends, maybe I should see what I can do and see where I can fit in.

So anyway, thats the compressed backstory, maybe more will come out along the way, but thats the gist of it.

As for the purpose of the blog, well, the career I'm aiming for is creative writing. Bit of vague target but it's a direction and it's the fucking polar opposite of cheeseburgers.
Of course this isn't the main reason I chose writing. I always figured I was on some level, funny.
That should probably be in brackets or some other fancy writing shit (brilliant start eh?). I've always managed to somehow make people laugh, always. Even changing, I don't want to say material, but, material? To suit whoever I was trying crack up. This probably comes from my forever annoying desire to be liked on some level by everyone. So I always turn to cracking them up.
I also have very vivid and sometimes unexplainable imagination, which tends to lend its hand in my bullshit tales and, more importantly, my piss taking abilities.
This comes in handy when I draw or paint or whatever mess I'm making at the time.
I love to draw and since I'm a pretty quiet guy when it comes to strangers you'd think this was the perfect creative outlet for me to get out there, get noticed and get a real good good job.
This is incorrect.
Tried it, and having deadlines and someone telling me exactly what to draw, thus taking away all the creative side of drawing, was no fun whatsoever for me. This could very well be the exact same case with writing but who knows? Not me anyway, so I'm doing it.

So yeah, take a pretty shy guy, might be funny, might learn to write and correct use of grammar and punctuation and let him run wild with any crackpot idea he has sounds like a killer combo. Doesn't it? Well it's the combo I'm going with, and this blog is going to hopefully document my journey from illiterate keyboard monkey to comedy writing genius.
Although you wouldn't think it from this post.

I'm also desperate for all feedback, going to try and get this blog right out there (nowhere near my current colleagues or bosses) but out there. I need help, big time, and advice.
So please, comment away. Postivite, negative it's all good and educational.

Let's get this shit started.

(Apologies for the cursing throughout, feel free to bleep them out in your head or just skip those words entirely)

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