The morning after the blog before.

Yesterday I started this blog, with full gusto I was hell bent on chasing down a career that I'd enjoy and be proud to tell people of. This morning that gusto has diminished, in fact it's down right fucked off. I don't know if its doubts in myself setting in or simply that I've got a long shift at the shithole today. Who knows but today I lack the enthusiasm I had yesterday. 

I had a buddy come over and I let it slip of my plans, I always do this, and since then it's felt like a deflated balloon. Maybe he didn't share the same enthusiasm as myself or I didn't get the reaction I maybe subconsciously wanted, "Whoa man, that's perfect for you, you're hilarious, you're gonna be huge, the next big thing", either way my mindset differed to when I started. 

That being said, I am still determined to do this. I know I have this way of thinking that I'm going to achieve what I set out to do over night, which of course isn't the case and hopefully will be a lesson learned throughout this process. It's going to take a long time with a lot of work but I have to keep at it. 

I do genuinely believe that I can do this and I'm going to have to stay positive and focused throughout.

Right, staying positive. So far this blog appears to be taking the role of a psychiatrist and I'm typing my first world problems like a little keyboard bitch. 

So what is this blog going to be? I have no Idea, but I'm going to try and blog at least every other day just keeping a journal of where I am and what I'm thinking. Not sure if it's going to be any use of if I'm just going to look back on this next year and cringe so bad I fold inside out. 

I have been thinking since, what am I good at? Well, what am I funny at more like, personally I think I can take the piss like a beast. Not bullying just good old fashioned piss taking. In fact my piss taking is so other worldly that whatever it be that I'm ripping up on becomes and entirely new creation. So there's that. But what am I going to do, just write page after page of me talking shit about anything I can think of? I don't know, does that exist? Can that exist? People do love to bitch, I've definitely learned that throughout my shitty job travels, like a poundland George Orwell. 

So maybe it could, but what would I bitch about? Would it come across like some kind of word stand up act? I hope not because just reading that sounds shit "Come read this guys shit, it's stand up but with words, that you read, alone" fuck that.

Then I thought maybe I could review some stuff, I say stuff because what the fuck would I review? If it were games, I'd have to sit through full games. Films, I'd have to go to the cinema every fucking week. Books? Well, you get the idea, I don't have a strong enough interest in one thing to dedicate my time writing a critic on it. Maybe I could review reviews? Review my own life? Clouds? My dogs logs? 

But maybe if this blog is a going to be a regular thing I could maybe just put my two cents into whatever's bothering me at the time. I can be opinionated and I'm pretty shit hot at being negative which is usually frowned upon, but maybe I could bring it back. Negativity is the new positivity? 

Positive negativity? 

It's a starting point, and no doubt will be a learning curve, so lets go with that.

First and probably worst post.

So, I hate my fucking job, who doesn't right?
I figured this was case with most people, they wake up they hate Mondays, they work for the man, just to get paid, just to pay bills. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Like a really shit real life Garfield.
No one likes to work, else they wouldn't be paying you and if you don't like your job then fuck you. You need to man the fuck up and just get on with it. This is pretty much what I figured was the norm for so long. It is also this which has made me so sick of everything and, I'm not fully sure but pretty positive, borderline depressed.

I suppose it begins with school, I never really enjoyed that, which became college. Didn't enjoy that, as much as I didn't enjoy the part time job came with it.
I quit college and the job which left me with no option but to go onto the dole, happy times. After a year or so of living off of the taxpayer and doing nothing of any significance with my life I decided to try for a another job. I applied to be a waiter and by some unfathomable clusterfuck I ended up in the kitchen, and have been stuck in various but very similar kitchens since.

Now I know reading this it's easy to think "this lazy fucker just doesn't like work" or "fucked around in school, his own fault" and those a both ,well, correct and hard to swallow. I did fuck around in school, and college, so yes my current predicament is done unto myself and I do hate work but it's important that I explain that last part to you. I don't hate getting my hands dirty or pulling my weight or even working as part of a team to achieve a goal which may not necessary benefit myself. What I hate about "work", the bullshit purgatory realm of chicken shit dead end jobs, is just that. Dead end.
You can work fifty to sixty hour weeks, minimal sleep, aches and pains and what have you given to the world? What have you got to show for it? Fuck all. I don't want to feel like shit, look like shit and be spoken to like shit just so I can pay my fucking phone bill. That is the most backward fucking logic.

I'd like to touch on the whole spoken to like shit front too. These chicken shit jobs come pre packaged with their chicken shit higher uppers. Your douchefuck managers, the stupid as shit team leaders and a majority of the cesspool coworkers (I say majority because I have had the pleasure of meeting and still being friends with some genuinely fantastic people). Who, because of them too being stuck in shitty fucking jobs feel it totally acceptable to treat other human beings as shit, each one showing a different level of dead end regret. Cut them open and count the rings, "Oh this guy's a ten year deputy manager, by the look of it this it started as a part time job but eventually having gave up on all of his hopes and dreams of becoming a soft rock mogul he became the cocknose he is today".
And all of this, for nothing to show? Pffft, fuck that.

I'm almost thirty and would like to think of work as something I enjoy, something I look forward to and most importantly something I can full heartily feel like I've made a change, however small it may be. I never enjoyed school or all that jazz because it didn't do it for me then, college never pushed my buttons. Does this mean I'm just another dickhead slacker? No fucking way, I can bust a nut as well as the next guy and I'm fully ready to show that. Yeah maybe I accepted the shitty jobs during my twenties but you know what, you don't need that much money for beer. I'm older now, got some of that life experience behind me and instead of telling myself that I don't really fit in anywhere and I should just stick to working the dead ends, maybe I should see what I can do and see where I can fit in.

So anyway, thats the compressed backstory, maybe more will come out along the way, but thats the gist of it.

As for the purpose of the blog, well, the career I'm aiming for is creative writing. Bit of vague target but it's a direction and it's the fucking polar opposite of cheeseburgers.
Of course this isn't the main reason I chose writing. I always figured I was on some level, funny.
That should probably be in brackets or some other fancy writing shit (brilliant start eh?). I've always managed to somehow make people laugh, always. Even changing, I don't want to say material, but, material? To suit whoever I was trying crack up. This probably comes from my forever annoying desire to be liked on some level by everyone. So I always turn to cracking them up.
I also have very vivid and sometimes unexplainable imagination, which tends to lend its hand in my bullshit tales and, more importantly, my piss taking abilities.
This comes in handy when I draw or paint or whatever mess I'm making at the time.
I love to draw and since I'm a pretty quiet guy when it comes to strangers you'd think this was the perfect creative outlet for me to get out there, get noticed and get a real good good job.
This is incorrect.
Tried it, and having deadlines and someone telling me exactly what to draw, thus taking away all the creative side of drawing, was no fun whatsoever for me. This could very well be the exact same case with writing but who knows? Not me anyway, so I'm doing it.

So yeah, take a pretty shy guy, might be funny, might learn to write and correct use of grammar and punctuation and let him run wild with any crackpot idea he has sounds like a killer combo. Doesn't it? Well it's the combo I'm going with, and this blog is going to hopefully document my journey from illiterate keyboard monkey to comedy writing genius.
Although you wouldn't think it from this post.

I'm also desperate for all feedback, going to try and get this blog right out there (nowhere near my current colleagues or bosses) but out there. I need help, big time, and advice.
So please, comment away. Postivite, negative it's all good and educational.

Let's get this shit started.

(Apologies for the cursing throughout, feel free to bleep them out in your head or just skip those words entirely)